Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher. ~ OPRAH


In this day and time, we all are in search of something. Knowing what that something is may not be clear, but the ache sensation inside us is real. We can feel it. My hope in writing this blog is not only to benefit me but for you as well. For me, it provides me a sort of therapy. I can get my thoughts and feelings out there, knowing that someone can understand. It’s for you because I truly believe we follow certain paths. A path that has brought you to this very site. Whether what I have to say is meant for you to read personally or for you to share with someone else that may need it. I believe that we all are connected by one commonality. We all want to be seen. We all want to heard. We all want to know we matter. Well my Friend, I see you, I hear you and you do matter.


Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Frustrations

'The greatest oak was once a little nut who held its ground.'
Author unknown

It's been an off day today. Work was a tad on the frustrating side with feeling like I have to fight for what I know I deserve. While in the midst of that, some pictures of myself doing some volunteer work showed up on Facebook and while the volunteering day was amazing and the group of girls I was doing it with were awesome, seeing pictures of me painting walls, bending over and looking generally terrible was not something that I wanted to see today.
I am doing my best at trying to remain positive, seeing the lighter side of things and focusing my angers or frustrations towards getting me where I want to be.
I am feeling a bit better now since being home and forcing my ass to get on the treadmill, however, I'm not gonna lie here. It was a little setback seeing those photos. I know I'm over-weight, I know I am no where near looking the way I want, so seeing that right in front of me was not a good time! Sometimes I can really disgust myself with the sight of what I have let go for so many years. And other times, it gives me the push to keep fighting in the right direction.
I do feel confident in the fact that I did come home and hoped right on The Beast (name for my treadmill). In the past, I would have come home, been grumpy and bitter and probably have stopped off at the store before coming home to get ice cream or something. The thought did cross my mind today but I didn't. I would like to think of that as a tiny victory.

I have started a workout schedule for myself. Instead of the obvious phrase, 'Go hard or go home', I am taking it easy. I need to start slow and work my way up. My goal this week is to get on The Beast 5 days straight. So, in doing this, I am going to start at minimum time and just above normal pace and work my way up. this week I am going to do 10-15 minutes on there and 5-10 jumping jacks. Next week I will increase and the week after increase again and so on and so on. I have a few Biggest Loser Work Out DVDs that I would like to try and incorporate as well.
The important thing to remember here is that there will be obvious setbacks, let downs and truck loads of frustrations to work through. The key is to not let that take me down anymore pegs. I have let that happen too much and for too long. Strength comes from within and if I have learned anything over the past few years, I have more strength inside then I ever give myself credit for.

'I don't need easy, I just need possible'
Soul Surfer

Ok friends, that's it for today. Thanks for tuning in. Know that all things are possible. I'm not the only one that can overcome adversity, so can you! Lets do it together!

Misty
xo

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Live from the heart of yourself

As I'm sure most of you are aware, yesterday was Oprah's finale curtain call. I thought is was done beautifully. Just her and her audience, both in studio and beyond the camera. The show was chock full of life lessons that both she has learned along the way and she has tried to teach us.

'Don't wait for someone else to complete you, Jerry Maguire was just a movie.' How great is that? And how true? How many of us who are single say aloud on numerous occasions that when I meet the right person everything will fall into place. When I meet Mr. Right then my life will be full and make sense. When the perfect woman comes along then I will settle down. How many times can we say the same thing? I'm just as guilty of it as some of you. I always tell myself that if only I had someone in my life I would be happy. Naturally we get lonely and would love to have that other person there beside us to share our lives with but the common misconception that many of us have is that that is the only way we can ever truly be happy and feel the kind of fulfilled life that we all desire. As much as I would love to share my life with someone, to have meaningful conversations with someone and to feel truly blesses and loved from that person, if I never find that, to quote Diana Ross, I will survive. I have to be enough. I am on this new journey by myself. I am taking steps to change my life for the better by myself. And I am going to succeed and overcome any obstacles in my way by myself, on my very own.

'Nobody but you is responsible for your life. You are responsible for your life. What is your life? What is all life? What is every flower, every rock, every tree? Energy. And you're responsible for the energy you create for yourself, and you're responsible for the energy you bring to others.'
I'm still learning this lesson. I think it may be one of the hardest and yet once you get it. Once you really truly get it, it could be the easiest lesson to live. Being honest here, I have shamefully put my happiness in others hands. I have based major life choices on making other people happy. And I have also brought negative energy into my life and the lives of others no doubt. I think this blog is an attempt at bringing some good energy to those who I am privileged enough have read this. I want to reach out and inspire, motivate and uplift whomever I can as I am doing to same to myself. When I motivate myself, I want to in turn do that for you. When I reach a goal, I would love to inspire someone to reach one of their goals. We can all do this. We have the power to achieve our ultimate desires. So if remaining positive, bringing positive energy around me and others gets me to my dreams, that sign me up!

'I've talked to nearly 30,000 people on this show, and all 30,000 had one thing in common - they all wanted validation...They want to know, do you hear me? Do you see me? Does what I say mean anything to you?'
When she uttered these words I can say for sure that the water works really began. She has said it before and I'm sure that the emotions running through me because of the day already but it really struck a nerve with me. We all want to be heard. We all want to know that what we are doing and saying is being taken in by someone else. Speaking as a Survivor who endured some painful childhood events, I grew up never feeling understood. Although I managed to keep my secrets from my family for years, I still felt as though I was being disregarded by them. No matter what I said or did, no one who hear me and maybe no one cared. So I grew up thinking just that. Thinking that no one really sees me so it doesn't matter how big I got, how much I ate. That I was useless and whatever the situation was, it was always my fault. Obviously I was mistaken. I do matter. I am heard. And it was not my fault. I am seen, whether I like it or not. Now I am dealing with being seen when I don't want to be seen because I am so unhappy with how I look. I yearned to be seen as a child so eating was my attempt at that. Now look where that has gotten me. that tells me that when someone is that desperate to be heard, to be seen, they would do anything.

I can't explain this new burning sensation that I feel deep down inside my soul. Yes, it's difficult to get my butt on the treadmill, to not make excuses like 'I'll just do it tomorrow.' But, I'm actually doing it. I know I should be getting on the beast (this is what I have named my treadmill) alot more and I am going to work on this. I am going to set a small goal for the next week. I would like to do the treadmill everyday. No reason why I can't, even if it's for 30 minutes. Any suggestions on other small goals to set? I am always up for comments or ideas on this. I'm learning as I go as any help would be awesome! It'd be great if we can help each other. Come on, take my hand.....

'I won't say goodbye. I'll just say, until we meet again.'

Have a good one guys and gals!

Misty
xo

Thursday, May 19, 2011

My Bucket List

I know alot of you out there have your own bucket list but I thought I'd share mine.......cause, well...it's my blog. hahaha




This is the bucket list today. I like to think of it as an open ended bucket list because all of these items on here are my dreams. Of things I want to accomplish, of people I'd love to meet, of things I want. So having an open ended list only makes sense because I won't stop dreaming, I won't stop wanting. My bucket list is free to grow and grow. The more I am able to cross off, the more I want to add. If any of you don't have a bucket list, I would encourage you to make one. To see your hopes and dreams right there down on paper is exciting. To be able to cross something off is fulfilling.

All of these are in random order...except for the first one. For those of you who know me know that I absolutely 100% adore this person and would feel in complete awe in her presence.






*Meet Oprah and have a heart to heart with her. I have grown up watching The Oprah Show. She has been apart of my Monday to Friday afternoon for so long now I honestly can't remember when she wasn't there. Her wisdom, infinite giving heart and inspiration has resonated with me and made such deep and meaningful impacts I will cherish them and hold them close to my heart forever and always.



*See a Broadway show in NYC

*Surf in Hawaii

*Build a Habitat for Humanity home

*Learn how to knit/crochet - Completed January 2010 - Crocheted a baby blanket for my best friends little girl.

*Find a four leaf clover

*Be part of a flash mob

*Run in a marathon

*Learn to play the guitar

*Open Animal Rescue house out in the country. Ever since I was a little girl watching those Humane Society shows on TV, I have had this deep desire to provide a safe and loving home for animals that have been abandoned or mistreated. A home with a full staff of professionals taking care of these animals in need. giving them food, a warm place to sleep and most of all love.




*Learn to drive - get my license

*Have a baby

*Go to Paris - visit the Louvre and the Mona Lisa, enjoy a french baguette sitting under the Eiffel Tower

*Swim with dolphins

*Write a book

*Watch a space shuttle launch live and in person

*Take a self defense class - Completed August 2008

*See the Great Wall of China








*Learn to speak Italian and travel to Italy. It's Italy, enough said!








*Get hair braided on the beaches of the DR

*Own my own scrap booking/crafty gifts business

*Go bungee jumping

*Go Sky diving

*Get a college degree

*Travel to a 3rd world country and help build a school

*Meet my grandchildren

*Attend the Olympics

*Volunteer in a soup kitchen - Completed September 2008 and many times since.

*Participate in a protest

*Learn how to Rollerblade

*Go on a whale watching adventure with mom






*Send a message in a bottle. How great would it be to send a piece of wisdom or inspiration to an unknown someone. A piece of myself, a memory of myself.





*Spend a New Year's at Times Square

*Be on a reality TV show

*Have a library named after me

* Plant a tree with my niece - so she may learn the beauty, life and energy a tree gives.

*Do the CN Tower Stair Climb

*Teach English in a foreign country

*Teach someone illiterate how to read

*Go to Africa on an animal safari and see giraffe's in their natural habitat

*Own a ridiculously expensive but absolutely fabulous pair of Jimmy Choo's, Manolo Blanhniks or Christian Louboutins.

*Go up in a hot air balloon

*Meet Maya Angelou

*Reach my weight loss goal











*Jump off Sky Tower in Ackland New Zealand. Saw this on the Biggest Loser and immediately knew that I had to do this!



*Walk the outside of the CN Tower




I hope I have started you guys in thinking about the things that you want. Like I said, you can always add to your Bucket List. It is ever growing, ever evolving. Remember, when you dream, dream big!



Have a great night folks!

Misty

xo

Monday, May 16, 2011

So It Begins.....

Well lookie lookie......who's down 16 lbs!! With the few pounds that I lost before my week long detox plus the 10 lbs I lost during the detox I could not be any happier with myself right now! I feel great and so happy that I accomplished what I set out to do. Complete the 7 day cleanse without cheating. YAY ME!!
Although I still have such a long road ahead of me, this journey that I now find myself on seems a bit brighter and 100% possible for me to do. This is totally in my reach!
I know that are much more intense detox programs out there to get all the crap out of your system. But I didn't want to take on more then I could chew...no pun intended. I wanted something that was going to be a challenge for me but at the same time would not be so difficult that I would quit after 2 days and then continue on the vicious cycle of how I'm a failure.
There needs to be alot less of that attitude and more of this new positive outlook that I find I have now. Naturally I will still have set backs and get down on myself. I'm not perfect and like I said earlier...this is a journey. A journey filled with bumps and windy curves, sometimes not knowing what is just around the corner.
Too much time has been lost to the negative 'I can't do anything' way of thinking. How many of us are so incredibly self critical that it has damaged our very core? No matter what anyone could say about me I can guarantee that I have said 10 times worse things about myself. Hurtful unforgivable things that I wouldn't say to my worst enemy, I didn't think twice about saying it to the depressed lonely woman who looks back at me in the mirror every morning.
I may always suffer with depression. I may always have to deal with my OCD but these obstacles do not define me. Just like my childhood doesn't define who I am. I don't want to be that wounded child any longer. I want to be the strong survivor that I know I have inside.
So let me reiterate ......YAY ME!!
This morning at the office I was actually excited to get home and climb up on the treadmill. While en route home I started to try and think of excuses to not get on. Crazy eh? Yah I know! As soon as I walked in the door, without even putting the groceries away, I headed straight for my bedroom, changed and went right for the treadmill. I knew that if I was going to accomplish this simple thing, I had to do it right then and there because although in reality it is a simple thing, to me at that moment it was like pulling teeth. Seriously Misty? My treadmill literally sits right in behind my couch. It's not a far walk. No more excuses!!!!!! Once on the beast I had no problems with staying on. I did my 30 minutes at a 2.5 speed. Not terribly fast I know, but gimme a break. I got lots of junk in the trunk to carry!
So now off to make dinner. I'm thinking salmon with some brown rice and some steamed broccoli. On that note, take a peek at this Dana Carvey clip. Always pops in my mind when I think of broccoli.

http://youtu.be/E-jk1prajc8

Thanks for tuning in kids, until next time. Have a good one!

Misty
xo

Friday, May 13, 2011

Just add laughing gas

OK, so I'm definitely feeling overwhelmed today. In the end, I know that it is a lesson learned. I HAVE TO take better care of myself.

I went back to the dentist today to get my crown put on. Over the last month, I have been 3 times now. One of my teeth broke off around Easter time and I knew with a gut wrenching dig in the pit of my stomach that I would have to make a trip to the dentist. Because I had acquired such a high level of anxiety when going to the dentist, my last visit they ended up having to put me to sleep to get the dental work done.

When the tooth broke I instantly went into utter panic mode. For 2 reasons. Because I don't have benefits through my job I knew that I would have to come up with this money from somewhere. The second reason, maybe part superficial and part lack of self confidence. I have been told my entire life that I had a million dollar smile. What if I couldn't afford to get the tooth fixed? It was in a place where to me at least it was very noticeable and I did not want to carry on with day to day stuff with a gap in my teeth. I have become so self conscious about my body that I was afraid the last thing that people thought was pretty on me was my smile. If that went, what would I have left? With a clear head I know that I was being ridiculous but we all have times where our emotions take over and although they may not make sense to anyone else, to us at that moment of despair they make total sense.

After meeting with him the first time, I quickly realized that yes this was going to cost me quite alot of money but the dentist was willing to set up a payment plan for me. With bi-weekly payments I would be able to get the root canal and crown done as well as a bunch of other work that needed to be done because it has been so long since that I had been to the dentist. After today's visit, my total is sitting at about $2700. I consider myself very lucky in that I was able to find a wonderful dentist who is willing to do all of this work for me and let me pay what I can every other week.

Who knew that a little laughing gas was all I needed to get through a dental visit?

Again, this is another example of how I let things go , not taking care of myself thinking that it just wasn't important enough. That I wasn't important enough to put my own thoughts and fears aside and go in to get the job done.

For so long, I have followed my own version of the lock down method because it was much easier to stay in what is comfortable, then go out in the world and face the many challenges that come your way. I thought is was safe and nothing could hurt me but in reality I was hurting myself. I locked myself away from the world and to take the baby steps out to start to make the changes that I need to survive it has made it absolutely terrifying. Unfortunately, habits like the ones I have picked up over the years aren't easy to let go of. They tend to leach on and will hold on with every ounce of their fibre, and the more you fight the more they try to hang on. But eventually, they weaken and then one day you realize that they have fallen off for good. This is my hope. My goal. I want the closed off, overweight fearful woman that I am to become one that is healthy, fit, enjoys life and looks challenges in the face, gives it the finger and says 'show me what you got'.

As for my detox I am still going strong with that. I am on Day 5 and am down 4 lbs and can notice a difference in how I feel. I am a little more awake in the morning when I get up and I haven't needed to have a nap when I get home from work. I really do feel a little better. Just 2 more days of this cleanse and then I am back to regular meals. I have some good ideas on how I will implement what I have learned from this week into my future planning of meals. I feel optimistic about this and really believe that this is something that I can do!

Thanks for tuning in again kids!

Until next time....

Misty
xo

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Little By Little

I realized something not too long ago. When I think about the things I want or the places I want to go to, I ended each thought with...'when I loss weight'. I have fallen into the terrible habit over the years to put so much emphasis on my future plans based on how much I weigh.
Instead, I should have made it a top priority and made those changes instead of sitting off on the side lines and watching life pass me by.

That's what this blog is all about. I am taking my life back and making changes to give me all of the things I want. As Oprah would say, I am taking my power back.
Little by little of course. I am famous for starting something all gung ho and then it fizzles out in a week. Now, I am taking my time making changes where I can.

This week I am doing a detox. I am on Day 2 of the week long 7 day Detox Cleanse. It's going alright. I expected it to be difficult but I think that if I can manage to stick to this for the entire week it will prove to me that when I make up my mind about this I can do it. Surprisingly, I find myself missing and craving coffee the most. I guess that's a tell-tale sign that I drink way too much of it!! I did have a headache yesterday and have one again today.
I'm about to make a very yummy looking salad for dinner. It is full of mixed salad greens, celery, mushrooms and walnuts with a olive oil and lemon dressing. YUM-O!! It will most definitely make up for the vegetable juice I had for lunch!!

I may not be perfect and I may not do this detox perfect but all I can do is give it my best shot. I have a clear head about this and maybe for the first time in a really long time, I finally think that success and happiness are possible. Like I said, little by little. That's all I can ask from myself. I have put far too many expectations on me and that has to stop. I am only human. Only one person.

Thanks for tuning in. Have a great night and I will be chatting to you all soon!

Misty
xo

Sunday, May 8, 2011

It's a Beautiful Day!!

Hello! Welcome to my blog. This being the first entry I thought it best to just express my thoughts on what and where I see this blog going. I had a blog before and that proved to be something that I needed at that time to vent about my inner demons and just get it all out. It helped for awhile but I found myself dwelling on the past and it wasn't letting me live in my future.





I feel as though I have wasted the last two years. I want to take positive steps in making my life a life full of happiness, fulfillment and complete joy. I have so many wants to be frank I can't list them all here and I don't have to. I want to take my time, learning and successfully achieving all that I feel that I need to in life.





First and foremost on my list is to change my life. Change my life to ensure that I am here to accomplish all of the things I want to do. I can feel my body almost shutting down on me at times and that is so incredibly scary!!! The time for talk is done now. My time for action is here! I know what it is I should be doing. I know what I shouldn't be eating. I know that I should be active. I have all of the 'knows'. That has never been the problem. The problem I have is actually doing it. The easiest way to explain it is food has been my addiction. I am ready to get myself clean. I'm ready to stop letting food fill the voids I feel inside. I'm ready to live my life wholly, freely, genuinely, authentically. I'm ready. More importantly, I deserve it.

To start the ball rolling, I am beginning a 7 day Detox tomorrow. It will be difficult but I want to start this new phase of my life cleaning out as much toxic crap as I can. Like I said....time for action!

This blog will hopefully reach someone who has felt what I have felt and experienced or is experiencing what I am. I invite any and everyone to join in this journey with me. Take the steps with me. My hope is that I am about to experience an exciting journey and I am really looking forward to sharing it.

Stay tuned friends...this is going to be good!

Misty
xoxo