My new Mantra

I'm almost at the end of another 7 day detox. It's been a strain at times but looking back over these last 6 days, I feel so good about it! It was all worth it. I'm down 6lbs this week. YAY me!! I did gain a few lbs over the last few weeks but am down those plus a few more. I am now just 4lbs away from hitting the 30lb mark. Feeling awesome about that!

My main thought of focus to give me the extra pushes this week was simple. Two words. A Baby. It's what I want more than anything else in the world. So I have one year. I am giving myself one year to be healthy and fit enough to be in a position to have a child. I'm coming up to my 34th birthday in about 3 weeks. By the time 35 rolls around I want to be ready. I am hopeful that the health issues I have experienced the last few years will have cleared up and will be moving in a positive direction instead of what is happening now. At the moment, I am not able to have children. I am infertile, dealing with what has been diagnosed as PCOD. Polycystic Ovarian Disease. The specialist I have been seeing says that it is completely reversable which gives me great hope that in the end I will be able to have my hearts desire. A child of my own. The first task at hand to get a handle on this is losing weight. Hence my main motivation. If I want a baby, I must must must lose weight. I have to take better care of myself. No way around it.

I'll continue to have my struggles, that's a given. However, struggling to eat properly and fighting with myself to get on my treadmill is nothing to the absolute pain and anguish I feel inside at not having a child. Utter physical pain. I may be ambiguous to most things outside of my own realm of understanding, but if there is one aspect of myself that I know to be truer then anything, truer then the sky is blue, it's that I would be a wonderful mother. I would be present and loving. I would be a teacher and a provider guiding through all of lifes challenges. I want this so bad.

If I am in a relationship with someone and the time came to have a child, I would welcome that with open arms. If I am single, I wouldn't think twice about it, wouldn't skip a beat while on my way to a fertility clinic. If having a child ends up being something that my body won't allow, adoption would be my other alternative. This is going to happen. I believe it. I have to! I have to make this my mantra. To say over and over to myself, something to repeat as much as I need it. Ready for it? My new mantra is Baby Mine.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCgDgJsTR_w&feature=related

A tear jerker I know....I'm boo-hooing here too. But it's a gooder, you can't deny that!!

So my journey continues. Onward and upward. Baby Mine.

Thanks for tuning in!

Misty
xo