Mishaps happen....say that 5 times fast

I had to give my head a shake today. I obviously still am faced with quite the difficult road ahead of me and I am still learning as I go. As a matter of fact, I still have a lot to learn when it comes to living this healthy lifestyle that is no longer a desire but an absolute must.

I've struggled this last week and it's scary to know that even though it is so hard and a constant struggle every day to eat the right things and exercise the right amount, that doing the opposite comes so easy and naturally to me. I wish this was not the case but HELUR!!! It is!!!

I wanted to do some baking and bring it in to the office but when I really thought about it, I knew that all of the yumminess I would bake wouldn't make it in there. I wish I could be that person who could bake cookies and only eat one or two. Leaving the rest in a container out of sight out of mind. But instead, that container consumes my thoughts. Although I am learning portion control and I have had moments of clarity with regards to a single serving of ice cream or just a taste of something sinful, I obviously still have a lot to learn here.

But these last few days it was like a snowball effect. First, the long weekend came and I allowed myself not to work out at all. that was the start. Then it was eating something I shouldn't which lead to eating more things I shouldn't which lead to yesterday eating whatever was placed out infront of me.
This week has been filled with the the sadness of a close friend of mine and her family. They have suffered a loss. Yesterday there was a gathering at her house with lots of people and lots of food. And where was I? Standing right by the food of course.
I know that I am still on the brink of my journey but I was, probably naive in hoping that I have learned enough to not put myself into a tight spot where I feel trapped and suffocated by food.

Again, HELUR!!!!! I have an addiction. I know what it's like to feel panic over food. The overwhelming consumption of it all over when will I eat again, what will I eat and how much can I have. These last few days have shown me one thing. That this is going to be an on-going battle that I must face for the rest of my life. The silver lining here is once I can grasp the handle of how to do this and what works best for me, it will be a a little more smooth sailing. Once I am able to reach a healthy course, the maintaining of that healthy course will be something that I can do in a more relaxed state of mind knowing that I have already accomplished the steepest of hurdles. However, food is something that we need to live. We need food to survive. So, sadly for me, the thing that has become such an unhealthy addiction isn't something that I can walk away from and never look at again. I have to learn how to live my life using food as a tool of sustenance instead of using it as my drug of choice looking for that next fix.

After work today, I had to do some grocery shopping. I did well and got plenty of healthy food options, however, I did buy a package of cupcakes, without even realizing, I just picked them up. As I was on my way home, it started to sink in and it occured to me what I did and what the consequences could mean for me. I knew that I needed to snap out of this funk I let myself get into this week and pick up the pace of my journey before it totally gets away from me. So what became of those cupcakes you ask? Well, I will gladly tell you! I came home, put down my bags of groceries, took the cupcakes, walked right back out the door and headed for the back of my apartment building. What's back there? The dumpsters!! And that is where those cupcakes are right now. I then came back into my apartment, put away my groceries and changed into my work out clothes because I knew that I had to get my ass on the beast to sweat out some of the crap I've let myself eat.

So tonight, after working out and eating a light dinner, after having a cool shower, because its hot as hell in my apartment, I find myself in an almost coaching state of mind. I keep telling myself that I can do this. I just need to pick it right back up where I left it off last Thursday and this it totally possible.
The most important thing for me right now is to remain positive and ensure that that infamous demon of self doubt doesn't creep in on me tonight in my sleep. So I had a mishap, we all have. But I am picking right back up and moving forward.

We can do this everyone!! For any out there who are struggling too, please know that you are not alone. this is why I am writing this blog. Because I know I'm not alone. I know that there are so many other people that have the same hurdles as I do. We can do this together!

Misty
xo