Deserving of Happiness

The last few months have brought me so many ups and downs it has been hard to catch my breath at times.  Still reeling with the sadness over losing my step dad and seeing my mom in pain has been difficult but knowing that she will survive this, get stronger every day and live her life with fulfillment and purpose makes me feel at ease in my soul.  Yes times will be tough, moments will be hard to accept, memories are sad to make knowing that someone is missing, but never forgotten. Each day is proving to be a lesson and I am striving to learn what each one is trying to tell me.

Amongst the sadness and loss, there was a beam of the brightest light I have ever seen.  First it was Lifeclass here in Toronto and the amazing Tea Party with OWN Canada and of course meeting some of my fantastic Canadian OWN Ambassadors.  And now…..not only were we talking about going to LA in October for the O You event, but to top that already cherry topped sundae, we are now going to have lunch with Oprah herself! How many people can say that? When I say a dream come true, those words somehow don’t even begin to explain the full extent of the overwhelming excitement I feel all the way down to my orange painted toes! I am having lunch with some amazing friends and OPRAH!!! OMG!!! OMG!!! OMG!!! Sometimes I have to say it out loud just so I can hear it!! LOL

This LA trip will allow me to cross 2, count them 2 things, maybe more off my Bucket List.  WOOHOO!!

I realized something this morning when I was on my way to the office.  This place I am in right now, although I am still making changes in my life and still learning, striving to live authentically, aside from all of that, I am the best me I can be right now.  Always a student of life, accepting that I really can’t do it all but I can have all my dreams if I work at it! To have been able to connect with great people, being given the opportunities for Lifeclass and now O You and lunch with Oprah….I am deserving of happiness.  Really and truly.  I already knew this however the meaning really reflected something different in my heart today.  It’s so easy for me to get down on myself, always pointing out my flaws, what I need to change, what I do wrong.  But this morning, I thought…Hmm, I’m really deserving of all of this! When it comes to others, I have no problem in feeling confident in that I love hard and forever.  I take care of my loved ones, doing whatever needs to be done.  I put them first, ensuring they have what they need and I love doing that! Knowing that I helped in making them happy, putting a smile on their face and making my love and presence felt is something I will forever do.  What I lack is focusing that same passion onto myself.  But why?  I obviously have the capability, so why not love me and do whatever it takes for me?  I am deserving, so incredibly deserving!  We all are! We each have setbacks and flaws and things that we aren’t necessarily proud of.  But that doesn’t matter at all!  Good things can still happen and we have to accept it and enjoy it.  Don’t waste your time asking why this is happening or thinking that something will go wrong.  Just let it be.  Let it be something wonderful that you can enjoy because you have earned it!

Have a great day friends!!  More to come soon…I have a feeling my soul has much more to say!!!

Take care

Misty

xoxo

Lesson Put to the Test

I love being in a position where I can call to action any one of the life changing lessons I have learned over the course of my life.  Although I always have been open to learn new things, it can be difficult for me.  I do have control issues, I can admit that.  I hate not being the one who is in complete control of what is going on around me.  I've said before, we are all a work in progress.  We all have our own journey that we are taking.  Do I turn left or right? Do I keep going straight ahead or should I look back to make sure I'm in the right place?  We never know until we have taken that next step if we should keep going in that direction or take a different course.

I talked in my last post about being at the ultimate classroom in the world. Oprah's Lifeclass here in Toronto.  There, with the lesson being Forgiveness, I had a big Aha moment.  I realized that I hadn't forgiven my father.  I hadn't seen him in nearly 5 years.  We did speak on the one briefly back in 2009, but that was it.  After Lifeclass I figured I would do much reflection about what I had learned.  Sadly, with the passing of my step dad there wasn't really time for that.  But, the good thing about lessons learned is that there isn't any time limit.  No expiry date.  I can reflect now, I can understand it more now.  However, like I mentioned, with the passing of Dougie just a few days after Lifeclass, the next two weeks were filled with pain, anguish and being the best support I could to my mom.  Little did I know, that the very day after the memorial for my step dad, I would see my father. 

My brother just bought a house, his first house. My mom and I were there with him along with my niece as he took his first steps inside of his new home.  While I was washing a few things in the sink for him, I happened to look outside and there he was, walking towards the house.  My father.  I  felt my stomach begin to turn.  Panic was flowing through me so instantaneously I barely got out the words, 'Dad's here' to my brother.  As he walked in, he paid condolences to my mother, as he should have, and then walked over to me wanting to give me a hug. A frustrating trait of my father's is and always has been, pretending that everything is okay when it so evidently is not.  He hugged, I let him, honestly not knowing what to do.  Panic was still coursing through me and all I could do was smile.  I continued washing dishes in the sink as my brother took our father on a tour of the house.  My brother, being extremely considerate, ushered him through the house as quickly as he could and brought him outside to chat, knowing how I and my mother both feel about him.  Before leaving, he came back into the house to say goodbye, telling me to 'be good'.  Without looking up I told him to take care.  Then he left.  As I saw him walking down the driveway, hearing my brother apologize to us for him showing up there, tears began to stream down my cheeks.  I just wasn't prepared.  After already having a draining few weeks and a particularly difficult day the day before I just wasn't ready.

Despite the fact that I was crying, that I was riddled with panic, I did hear that little voice inside my heart.  Telling me it was ok.  I was allowed to feel this way.  I was absolutely entitled to acknowledging my damaged heart over this broken relationship. And even though I did have some anger towards myself because I was getting upset, I still knew it was ok because I have been equipped with some amazing life lessons.  My head knows that I need to forgive, but my heart just isn't there yet.  In time it will be, but not yet.  There is so much anger and hurt that I am working through still.  I know it will come, all in due time.  My heart will replenish itself, I will forgive.  Something else to be grateful for from Lifeclass.  I'm not sure how I would have reacted seeing him without having my Oprah Armor on.  I really do consider the teachings that Oprah and all of her Life Coaches have given me is my armor.  As long as I wear it properly it will protect me, allowing me to fight off anything that stands in my way.  Anything that comes against me, tries to hurt me, take me down.  This armor is my best defense!

So the journey continues ladies and gentlemen! I'm excited to see what is around the corner! 

Until next time lovies..

Misty
xo

Oprah's LifeClass in Toronto 2012

Again, apologies for being so late with this post, but I know I'm already forgiven! I promise I am getting back on track and will be more on the ball in the days to come!

Now, on to the main event! OPRAH'S LIFECLASS IN TORONTO!!  Need I say more?! I can still channel all the emotions I felt that day. Waking up way before my alarm that morning, like I could sleep.  The moment my eyes opened I shot up and out of bed, hopping into the shower to begin a day that I already knew would go down in my history books as one of the best, one of the most memorable!

After meeting some friends at their hotel, it was decided we would head down to the convention centre earlier then planned, to get into line.  After all, we were but a few people amongst thousands and thousands waiting in the same line, to feel and experience the same things.  We were about to see Oprah and her expert life coaches all wrapped up in the most life changing classroom in the world! The excitement was palpable.  I made a mental note while in that line, looking ahead and behind me at the vast number of people waiting with me.  All I could do was smile. My cheeks were sore before the class even began but I wouldn't have had it any other way!  I knew that each one of us was about to experience something magnificent and better yet, life changing.  I was so happy for all of us, so thrilled that we were about to embark on a day that legends are made of!

Once we were able to get into the building, after waiting for hours outside (so thankful that it was sunny and not cold and rainy) we were guided into the waiting area for another hour or so until we were able to take our seats. As the huge sliding doors began to move and we were able to navigate our way inside, I could feel my very perceptions begin to go into overdrive. This was it. I was about to be in the ultimate classroom of all classrooms.
Those of us who have had the honor to be amongst such wise individuals, soaking in the immense energy was mind boggling. I can still feel the room itself, almost vibrating with excitement, joy and gratitude. Love for this woman, her Lifeclass and each and every person involved.

Taking our fabulous seats, we waited with such intense anticipation.  Sitting 5 rows from the front, with an aisle seat was awesome!  The stage was so close and more than a few times I had to restrain myself from jumping up on it! I literally had to tell myself to keep my butt in that chair..Seriously!

Deepak Chopra, Iyanla Vanzant, Tony Robbins and Bishop TD Jakes came out to speak individually first.  Then Oprah was to come out, to be joined again by her fantastic team of life coaches for the live taping.

Being in the presence of these four electrifying coaches was in itself almost too much to take.  My heart was full and I was overwhelmed with such gratitude and love.

But, as her name was being announced, seeing her walk out onto that stage, words can't even describe the emotions I had going on inside of me. To be honest, I almost peed myself.  I was overcome with wrought emotions, hot tears streaming down my cheeks, heart beating out of my chest, jumping up and down with laughter mixed in with the crying. Can you just picture it now? LOL, I can totally see me and my crazy ugly cry!! The woman whom I have learned so many life lessons from, who changed my life with her wisdom, sharing with so many of us the power of these life lesson was right in front of me! Oprah Winfrey, who I grew up watching, admiring and dreamt of the day where I could be in her audience, it was all happening. At this very moment, along with some my amazing OWN Ambassadors and the rest of the 8500 people there in attendance, taking this journey with me. Even as I write this, I am filled with the utter joy that consumed my body that very night!

So many valuable lessons learned while at Lifeclass in Toronto. To name a few….I had some great AHA moments.

With the theme of forgiveness, I realized something powerful. I was able to forgive my childhood abuser. I was able to do that and really feel that in my soul last year. You would think that would be the hardest person for me to forgive. If I can forgave that horrible man, that horrible neighbor who took the innocence away from that little girl, you’d think, or at least I thought, that I could forgive anyone. Not true. I realized at LifeClass that I have not forgiven my father. My father who was a large part of my life, but as I got older, he was absent. Him and I had a rocky road in my early twenties, finally coming together again in my early thirties. I had gone through some therapy, to help deal with the abuse I endured as a child from that neighbor. I had to tell my father in a family session what had happened to me. And that was the last time we have really spoken. I had so much anger inside me when that happened I didn’t know how to express it. I mean, how could I forgave my abuser but not my own father? I realized at Lifeclass the grudge I was holding towards my father was really holding me. I had a preconceived notion on how my father should be. How he should act with me, treat me and love me. I’ve held onto this because I want to hear that apology from him, for not being my dad when I needed him most. For the feelings I was feeling about being loved and being deserving of love. I used to fear that if my own father didn’t want anything to do with me, didn’t love me, how in the world could I find someone else to love me. How would I find a man to love me and have a family with me. I realized in Toronto, sitting in that Lifeclass room, that I was limiting my own life purposes. I was putting limitations on my own successes, basing them on other people. I don’t need that apology from him. If he isn’t capable of being a supportive father, that is none of my business. I don’t need that to be happy and fulfilled. I can make me happy. I can provide what I need to so I can live my most authentic and fulfilling life.

As Iyanla says, ‘Everything is just as it needs to be.’

One of the most important things I have learned over the years from Oprah is that I am ENOUGH! I am seen, heard and loved. But more than being a person who deserves to receives love from another, I deserve to feel my own love. I am worthy of loving me. I’m good enough, and my love is strong and pure and I want to feel that inside myself. And I LOVE that!!! There may be times where I struggle with self worth, but life is a journey right? We are all on a path for greatness, for self awareness. And all I can say is that I am enjoying my journey right now!

What an amazing night! Words can't truly express the full extent of the feelings I felt, thoughts I thought and realizations I realized.  It was powerful and absolutely life changing.  I'm so thankful that I was able to be part of such an awe-inspiring evening.  I consider me to be very lucky and blessed.

We all know everything happens for a reason.  Little did I know, that just 3 days later, after LifeClass, I would need to call to the surface the many lessons learned from Oprah over the years, including the class I just attended. I was meant to be in that classroom, hearing that exact lesson in that exact moment. For that I am truly grateful!

That's it for now friends! Tune in next time to find out what happened next.

Stay well lovies!

Misty

xo

Gratitude Time!!

I think it’s time for a Gratitude Break!  As many of us have busy and hectic lives with a dash of turmoil at times thrown in the mix, I think it’s important to take a moment and reflect on the many wonderful loved ones and things we have in our lives that make it a joy to get up and live another day.

I still have those moments where I sourly say ‘Why is this happening to me?’ Sometimes it can be easy to turn to the negative side of things when something isn’t going according to plan.  And I sure do like having a plan.  Planning is good but there comes a point where you have to relinquish the control to a higher power and just let it take you along for the ride.

What are you thankful for?  What is going on in your life right now that you feel an abundance of gratitude.  

Today, Monday March 26, 2012 here are just a few things that I am grateful for.

My family – no matter the distance or time we have together, I am lucky to have them in my life.  I am so grateful for the love and support I have been shown, especially when times were dark for me and I didn’t know if I’d ever see the light again.  Although I sometimes still struggle, I really do know that I’m loved by the ones who truly matter to me.

Alanna – my niece, my heart, everything that is good. She is my joy and laughter and the sweetest sound to my ears is hearing her say ‘I love you Auntie Misty’

My friends – I have amazing close friends who I am blessed to have in my life.  Although most I am not able to see on a daily basis because of distance, I know that they truly carry me in their hearts as I them. Knowing that someone is out there who loves you, not because they have to but because they want to is such an amazing feeling.

Oprah’s LifeClass Tour – I am so lucky to have the amazing fortune to be able to attend this blessed event, with amazing co-teachers on stage with her.  I’m looking forward to learning more and having fantastic AHA moments.

AHA moments – because they truly give me a sense of learning something else about me.  I have learned what is really inside my heart, what my spirit holds close and how I can make me a better person to become my more authentic self.  We all want to improve ourselves and becoming aware of how to do that inwardly only helps out the outwardly.

OWN Ambassadors – I have connected with some fantastic people just in the last few months.  People who not only have the same passion for Oprah and OWN as I do, but are truly amazing people who take anyone in.  No judgments, no stipulations.  I am blessed to be part of such greatness. Everything happens for a reason and I believe that astonishing things are going to come from this group.  I can’t wait to see what happens next.

Oprah – for being my ultimate life mentor.  The things I have learned about myself, after locking them away inside me for so long, I learned from her.  I learned not to be ashamed.  I learned how to love myself and I learned that I am worth it.  I learned my future isn’t based on my past.  I learned that all I want is to be heard and seen and know that I matter.  Life breakthrough after breakthrough is really what has kept me going.  

My inner strength – just when I think it is diminishing, BOOM! Something else happens to trigger this force inside of me.  Whether it’s to support myself in a struggle within or to be there for a loved in need, I am so thankful that I can do that, supporting, loving and giving of my own self. 

Little Warriors – for bringing child sexual abuse to the surface and providing parents with the early detection methods to help stop it.  Knowing what to look for is part of the battle!

http://littlewarriors.ca/

Thanks for tuning in friends!! Until next time....

Misty
xo

Lessons

There are lessons to be learned all around us.  Even if we don't quite pick up on them right away, or ever, they are still there.  The hope is that we are perceptive enough to receive it.  To allow those lessons to speak to our hearts and actually teach us something. Those valuable life lessons are comprehended through our own experiences and our inner souls.  Only then when we recognize a lesson that is forming in front of us can we say AHA, that was a moment!

#17 - You Can Rise From the Ashes of Your Life - Oprah's Lifeclass Season 1

This was a major lesson for me. I realized then that I really am the only one who has the power to pick up my pieces and move forward, putting each heartache, each struggle and every obstacle I have hurdled into my bag of life and carry it with me along my journey.  As I conquered each new phase,  the items I carry with me reposition themselves in my bag and new things become more important and take greater priority. The more lessons learned, the more AHA moments you experience, it equips you with armor for the future.  It can become easy to allow the circumstances from your past to dictate to you the person you are going to be.  When in reality that is so far from the truth.  I am not that same person anymore.  I am not the weak, scared and naive girl I once was. I am unbroken.  I am a survivor and I am here to fight another day.  Nothing comes easy to any of us.  We all have had our own trails and tribulations that we have overcome.  Some with grace and skill and others with an inept sense of self. 
I believe that people who have beaten all odds, fought to get out of the darkness and turn a otherwise downward path around are people who need to be applauded.  They truly did rise up from the ashes of their life.  They need to be thought of as victors because that's what they are.  Whether you have overcome losing a loved one, being sexually abused, being beaten, losing all of your earthly possessions or not feeling love from anyone, you are in  a place now, god-willing, that you can look back just to see how far you have walked on your own.

On a side note, Lady O will be coming to Toronto very soon, on her Lifeclass tour for season 2.  This is very very exciting.  I'm eager to learn more in class!!!  If anyone hasn't seen the first season, I encourage you all to check out the site for an overview of the first 25 lessons.  I promise you won't be disappointed!

http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Oprahs-Lifeclass-Lessons-Season-1

Like I have said many times before, Oprah is my life mentor.  She has taught me and millions of others so many valuable lessons. She has really taken us all to school and it feels great!!  I have put my trust into her words.  Not because of her celebrity status.  But because she has taught me. Her heart has reached out and touched mine.  I see her for who she is and what she is offering.  And even though she doesn't know me by name, I know that her heart feels mine as well.  Her heart feels what I am putting out there as so many others are doing the same.  Because its true and pure and there is nothing better then that.

I am on twitter as well.  You can find me @mistygirl77.  For any of you who are on Twitter and have the same love and respect for Oprah as I do, please find me and lets have a chat.  You will also find that there is an amazing community of Oprah and OWN supporters who all come together as one, talking and sharing.  I invite anyone to join us.  You can look up the hashtags, #OWNAmbassadors, #OprahsNextChapter and #Lifeclass to name but a few.  I have had the privilege to get connected with some pretty outstanding individuals who have the same passion as I do.

Shout out to all my Own Ambassadors!  Love you guys!! xoxo

Take it easy everyone!
xoxo

Life Lessons

Life lessons are all around us.  If we can be perceptive enough to pick up on the subtle pokes they give us, we can learn more and more about ourselves with each passing year.  I don;t know about any of you, but the person I am today is not the person I was this time last year or 5 years ago.We change with the times and if we are truly tuned in to our inner self we can pick up even the slightest of twitches.

Oprah's Lifeclass started last week.  Each week night we can tune in to her program and let one of the greatest teachers teach us. I excitedly awaited each episode with notebook in hand waiting to hear what the latest lesson was going to I made a be and what I could get out of it.  After all, that is what lessons are all about right?  Soaking in what we learn and being able to apply it to our lives. 

The first 2 episodes were about the false power of ego and letting go of anger leading to forgiveness.  How many of us can relate to those?  Something that someone said on that first episode really resonated with me. 

'I don't think anyone can hurt my anymore.  They are only giving me their observation.  I am giving it meaning.'

I can't even say how much this is so me!  I am forever letting other peoples thoughts and opinions affect me in my life.  I have always let these words that spew out of someones mouth dictate how I can going to feel.  I don;t have to like what someone says or even agree with it.  That is there observation.  they are entitled to it just as I am entitled to my own.  When I give meaning to a comment someone says, I am in reality giving them power.  Literally handing them my own power.  I made a promise to myself a long time ago.  I will never let any person have power over me again, ever!  My own lessons learned through having the kind of father I had and living through the childhood I did.  No one was to have that kind of power over me again.  Without even realizing it, I broke my own promise to myself.  Because letting something as insignificant to my own reality as someones opinions get under my skin was just as damaging as letting an over-baring man take away my goodness and innocence.  I have re-made that promise to myself and I am going to do my best to stick to it and not let the words of others bother me again.

This lead to anger and forgiveness.

'Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.'

I 100% believe that to forgive is for you, not for the person that needs to be forgiven.  Holding on to that anger and hatred for someone or events that took place will never let you move on fully.  To forgive is not saying what happened to you is ok.  To forgive is not giving the person or persons who hurt you off with a slap on the hand.  To be the person who is in a place that you can forgive is saying that you are accepting what happened to you, you know that it can never be changed and you are strong enough to move on and move past it.  It took me awhile to get to a place where I can say I have forgiven.  It doesn't mean that I still don't.  That won;t go away entirely.  But I can say that I have moved on, accepted and don't look back wishing I can change it.
I have forgiven the neighbour who sexually abused me for 3 years.  He took away my innocence, my trust and in place of them gave me many years of self doubt and worthlessness.  By forgiving, I'm not saying it's ok, I'm saying I have moved beyond that point and I'm ok.
I have forgiven my father.  For not being there for me, for turning his back on me when I was at my most vulnerable.  By forgiving him, I'm not saying 'I want you in my life', I'm saying I have moved beyond that point and I don't need that negative influence to succeed in my future.  It still hurts knowing that my own father doesn't love me enough to want me in his life.  That hurts very much.  However, that doesn't define me.  Not anymore.  And I'm ok!

This week, I also learned that you become what you believe.  We need to pay attention to the life that we have right now.  Believe that there is a reason why we are here, now, in this moment. 

'If you can see it or believe it, it is alot easier to achieve it.'

Do you believe that you are worthy of happiness?  I know this can be a tough one for many of us.  Believing that you deserve all of your wildest dreams to come true can seem like wishful thinking, but just knowing that you deserve it is leaps and bounds better then telling yourself it will never happen, not for someone like me.  Because you know what?  I can happen!  To find your true purpose, pay attention to the life that you are leading now.  Know that you are worthy.  You allow  the truth of yourself to express yourself.  If you are a write, whether 15 people or 15 million people read what you wrote, you are a writer. 

'Shadow beliefs are holding you back from the life you deserve.  Escavate and unleash what you really believe.  If its not working for you, change it.' ~ Oprah's Lifeclass

I encourage everyone to tune in to OWN and watch Oprah's Lifeclass.  I promise that there will be at least on episode that you will be able to match to your own life and allow it to have an everlasting impact.  From what I understand, Fridays episodes that they are calling Joy Uprising will be just that.  She will go back and reminisce over previous guests and what moments really and truly were cause for a joy uprising!  For sure a feel good hour, bringing a familiar tear of gladness and joy.  I mean, honestly, just seeing my Lady O back on tv everyday is enough to bring a woot woot of joy and hours upon hours of the happy dance around my apartment.  But even more then that, to again learn from one of my most trusted teachers of life, I am inspired, in awe and in appreciation once again.  Yeah, I'm kind of a fan if you didn't know yet!

Hope you all enjoyed my latest thoughts.  Thanks for tuning in again guys and gals!

Misty

xo