You Never Know the Beauty Inside

We just had a long weekend here in Canada and I went down to the Falls to spend it with family.  With the weather being as beautiful as it was, my mom and I decided to do her gardens.  That being the job of my step dad up until now, we took it on, in the hopes that we would make him proud.  Although we really didn't have the green thumbs, well, if I'm being honest, I don't think I even have a green fingernail, we did alright.  Her gardens look gorgeous and we had fun doing them.  We got some sun, had some laughs and yes, I even got dirty.  The city girl that I am and proud of it, got down in the dirt.  And I was absolutely ok with that!

While at the greenhouse earlier that morning to pick up the flats of flowers to plant, we stopped and admired the most beautiful flower I think I have ever seen.  This flower literally filled me with happiness and is the inspiration for this blog post.  The Fuschia flower with all its glory is something to see. 
I began to reflect back on so many of the lessons I have learned over the years and one of the many is 'Never judge a book by its cover'. We all know this and have said it at least one time in our lives.

Much like the fuschia flower, we begin our lives as a small little bud.  Delicate, new and with an unexplainable desire to blossom.

Some people grow and flourish into exactly what they knew they would.  Some are in a place right from the start, following their voice inside, their dreams guiding them.  For others it can be a struggle.  They falter and lose their way.  Something happens that they can't quite understand and all of a sudden their plans, or what they thought they wanted go right out the window. When we see someone who is struggling, who appears to not care about themselves or whats happening around them, we can either judge them or accept them for the spirit they have inside.  You just never know by looking at the shell of someone what is truly inside them.  What they are made up of, what holds them all together.  You can't pry open someone either.  They have to blossom all on their own.  When the time is right for them, when they have mustered up the divine strength they have within, and always did have but never realized it, then they can bloom into the radiant and exquisite being they were always destined to become.  Some people just need a few extra moments.

And when they blossom into the beauty they were always meant to be, it is breathtaking.  It's like the perfect secret.  Kept locked down until the right moment, then magic!

 Looking at this pink bud on this fuschia plant does it no justice.  Its just regular.  You probably wouldn't even give it another moments thought.  It's easy to forget, doesn't really leave an impression on you.  But, when it's ready and the moment to open up and become what it was made to become is reached, it's striking beauty makes you stop in your tracks.  What a shame it would have been to chastise or judge something of such beauty.  What a waste it would have been.  Works the same way for people.  What a shame, what a waste it would be if we kept right on walking by.  Sad for the person who was left behind, and sad for the person who does the leaving. I think about what this exceptional soul can add to my life and how much I'd love for it to know my heart. 

This week, let's all try to reach out to one person.  Someone who you can admit might have something special inside but its not being shown to the world yet.  Let them know when they're ready, you will gladly be there to see the transformation.

Blessings to you all and thanks for tuning in my friends!

Warm hugs

Misty
xo

Thank You Letter to my Mother

A daughter is a mother’s gender partner, her closest ally in the family confederacy, an extension of her self. And mothers are their daughters’ role model, their biological and emotional road map, the arbiter of all their relationships. – Victoria Secunda

 Happy Mothers Day to each and every mom out there.  You have the weight of the world on your shoulders yet you love your children more then life itself.  Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Dear Mama,

Today is the day of the year that is marked to make a special mention to our moms. To say thanks for all you do.  To tell you that we love you.
If it was only that simple.  I'm great with words but not even I can find the right ones to tell you exactly what you mean to me.  There are no words to describe fully just how much I love and adore you. You've been there through most of it.  Sometimes you stepped right in and other times you stood back, letting me spread my wings.  Mistakes were made....oh were there mistakes.  But you knew those mistakes were nessecary for me to make.   In all of my stubbornness, in every moment I dug my heels in and refused to budge, you were still there.

Thank you Mom for making me breakfast every morning

Thank you for laughing with me in the card isles

Thank you Mom for teaching me the tune of life

Thanks for letting me love you

 We have an abundance of good memories, happy times shared together.  We have pockets of time where things were a rough road for us.  There were moments in time that are difficult to look back on without feeling pangs of hurt.  But I believe that each memory, each glimpse of past mistakes, things that were rough, they happened for this very specific reason.  It brought you and I to this point right here, right in this time.  I think we are in the best place we have ever been in, growing together, learning from each other.  We have said it before.  We have a kind of bond that is unbreakable.  We know this because it has been tested many times.  And here we still stand, hand in hand, side by side, holding the other up when times are unforgiving and relentless.

Thank you Mom for letting me be your person, because you are mine

Thank you for playing with my hair, for comforting me

Thank you Mom for loving me even when I made it difficult to

Thanks Mom for not giving up on me

Thank you Mom for loving me even when I pushed you away

In case I haven't told you enough, showed you enough, I hope that me telling you now will forever stay in your mind and in your heart.  Hold on to this today and every day after.  Remember that I'm your person and you're mine.  No matter the distance, no matter what is going on in our lives you will always be in my heart.

Thanks for playing games with me even though I'm so competitive

Thank you Mom for being patient with me

Thank you for encouraging me

Enjoy today Mama.  Celebrate yourself along with Joey and I as we show you just how significant you are in our lives.  I've needed you, need you now and will need you in the future.  Please know that in your heart.  As long as I'm living, my Mama you'll be.

My mom is a never-ending song in my heart
Of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words
But I always remember the tune.
- Graycie Harmon

 All my heart now and forever,
Your Daughter
xoxo



Lesson Put to the Test

I love being in a position where I can call to action any one of the life changing lessons I have learned over the course of my life.  Although I always have been open to learn new things, it can be difficult for me.  I do have control issues, I can admit that.  I hate not being the one who is in complete control of what is going on around me.  I've said before, we are all a work in progress.  We all have our own journey that we are taking.  Do I turn left or right? Do I keep going straight ahead or should I look back to make sure I'm in the right place?  We never know until we have taken that next step if we should keep going in that direction or take a different course.

I talked in my last post about being at the ultimate classroom in the world. Oprah's Lifeclass here in Toronto.  There, with the lesson being Forgiveness, I had a big Aha moment.  I realized that I hadn't forgiven my father.  I hadn't seen him in nearly 5 years.  We did speak on the one briefly back in 2009, but that was it.  After Lifeclass I figured I would do much reflection about what I had learned.  Sadly, with the passing of my step dad there wasn't really time for that.  But, the good thing about lessons learned is that there isn't any time limit.  No expiry date.  I can reflect now, I can understand it more now.  However, like I mentioned, with the passing of Dougie just a few days after Lifeclass, the next two weeks were filled with pain, anguish and being the best support I could to my mom.  Little did I know, that the very day after the memorial for my step dad, I would see my father. 

My brother just bought a house, his first house. My mom and I were there with him along with my niece as he took his first steps inside of his new home.  While I was washing a few things in the sink for him, I happened to look outside and there he was, walking towards the house.  My father.  I  felt my stomach begin to turn.  Panic was flowing through me so instantaneously I barely got out the words, 'Dad's here' to my brother.  As he walked in, he paid condolences to my mother, as he should have, and then walked over to me wanting to give me a hug. A frustrating trait of my father's is and always has been, pretending that everything is okay when it so evidently is not.  He hugged, I let him, honestly not knowing what to do.  Panic was still coursing through me and all I could do was smile.  I continued washing dishes in the sink as my brother took our father on a tour of the house.  My brother, being extremely considerate, ushered him through the house as quickly as he could and brought him outside to chat, knowing how I and my mother both feel about him.  Before leaving, he came back into the house to say goodbye, telling me to 'be good'.  Without looking up I told him to take care.  Then he left.  As I saw him walking down the driveway, hearing my brother apologize to us for him showing up there, tears began to stream down my cheeks.  I just wasn't prepared.  After already having a draining few weeks and a particularly difficult day the day before I just wasn't ready.

Despite the fact that I was crying, that I was riddled with panic, I did hear that little voice inside my heart.  Telling me it was ok.  I was allowed to feel this way.  I was absolutely entitled to acknowledging my damaged heart over this broken relationship. And even though I did have some anger towards myself because I was getting upset, I still knew it was ok because I have been equipped with some amazing life lessons.  My head knows that I need to forgive, but my heart just isn't there yet.  In time it will be, but not yet.  There is so much anger and hurt that I am working through still.  I know it will come, all in due time.  My heart will replenish itself, I will forgive.  Something else to be grateful for from Lifeclass.  I'm not sure how I would have reacted seeing him without having my Oprah Armor on.  I really do consider the teachings that Oprah and all of her Life Coaches have given me is my armor.  As long as I wear it properly it will protect me, allowing me to fight off anything that stands in my way.  Anything that comes against me, tries to hurt me, take me down.  This armor is my best defense!

So the journey continues ladies and gentlemen! I'm excited to see what is around the corner! 

Until next time lovies..

Misty
xo

Saying Goodbye

This post is dedicated to my step dad, Doug 'Dougie' Read who was taken from us far too soon.

We've all lost someone close to us.  A parent, a child, a spouse, cousin, friend.  There are no limitations to the pain and grief we all feel when a loved one is taken away from us.  But there are different ways to navigate through the grief for each person. 

It's so curious: one can resist tears and 'behave' very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer... and everything collapses. ~Colette

I received a call from my mom on April 18th. The call. The one that I knew would come eventually but not this soon.  Too soon.  We had found out just 5 weeks prior that my step dad was sick, with stage 4 cancer and things did not look good.  We did however try out best to remain positive, wishing, hoping and praying that time would be good to us and we would have plenty of time to spend with him before the end came.  So many things still left to do, left to say.
I couldn't help but wonder to myself.  What thoughts go through your mind when you're sitting in front of your doctor as they tell you such dreadful news?  News that must feel like echoing torture in your ears. 
In the next 5 weeks, my parents were busy with doctors appointments, going here, going there, trying to get final preparations done and out of the way so they could just focus on their time together, getting ready for that final goodbye.  Little did we all know that time itself was going to knock us down without any warning at all.
After being admitted into the hospital a few days after Easter with full blown pneumonia, things looked grim but I still had the notion of hope on the horizon that he would pull through.  Maybe a little worse for wear, but he would fight this pneumonia and be out of the hospital in a week, two weeks tops.
However, on April 18th, when I got the call, I knew things had reached critical matter and there was no turning back. No waking up from the coma he had slipped into and no leaving the hosiptal with him, bringing him home.  Hearing my mothers trembling voice on the other end of the phone saying, 'You have to come now baby. It's time to say goodbye' I slumped back into my couch, clutching my chest, feeling my heart pounding.  Is this really happening, I thought? Is my mother, really having to call me and tell me to get home, is she really telling me to prepare myself to say that final goodbye?  My heart broke right then and there, thinking about my mom and Dougie.  About their relationship, not having enough time.  Not yet, this couldn't be happening yet. 

I was there bright and early the next morning.  I couldn't wait to wrap my arms around my mom and squeeze her tight, letting her know she wasn't going to go through this alone. 
Walking into the hospital room with my mom and Kim, my step sister, I was taken back at the sight. I knew he wasn't awake and had tubes coming out from all over. But nothing can prepare you for actually seeing it.  Seeing this strong, full of life man biker man lying before me, looking frail.  No, this isn't right I thought.  This isn't fair.  When I had some time alone with Dougie, holding his hand, wiping his forehead, I got close down to his ear and whispered the things that I knew he needed to hear from me because I needed to say them to him.  I told him that it was ok.  I told him that she would be ok.  I thanked him for being the amazing man he was and for loving my mother beyond any boundries. I saw true happiness in her eyes the moment he entered her life and for that I am now and forever truly grateful.

With family coming in and out throughout the day, it was decided that the life support machines would be turned off around 4pm.  It was expected that it would happen quickly. Little did these doctor know how strong Dougies heart really was. He was a fighter right until the end.  After 10 hours of breathing on his own, his heart began to fail him.  With my mom, Kim and me by his side, he took his last breath at 2:30am.
I think it was meant to be that the 3 of us were the ones with him at the end.  We were Dougie's girls after all.  Everything was just as it should have been. Although hard to grasp and seemingly unjustifiable, this was how it was suppose to happen.  I was meant to be there, helping Dougie let go, and also being their to offer my strength and support to my mom and my sister.

The next week was a bit of a blur. Final preps for the visitation and family memorial dinner were being tended to.  After coming back home to Toronto for a few days to get things cleared up for work and grab more clothes, I headed back down to Niagara for a week to be there for my mom, helping wherever I could.  Feelings of helplessness were overwhleming at times, but I made a conscious effort to think back over the amazing LifeClass I just attended, and all the other life changing lessons I have learned over the years from my top Life Coach! It's so easy to question at times the big 'WHY' Why was this happeneing now? Why did I have to watch Dougie's parents, his daughter, his entire family go through such terrible pain? Why did I have to see my mom suffer with this unbearable greif when there was nothing I could do to make it better for her. Then it hit me. I was there to offer my strength for each one of them.  Yes, I was hurting too, and I was just as entitled to grieve along side each person.  But, I'm also equipped with a specail armor.  When you reach the acceptance to be proud of our scars, be proud of your wounds, be proud of your battles, each experience offers us the opportunity to learn. (Thank you Master Class)  Just when we all thought this final goodbye was reaching the top of the mountain, I realized that there was another mountain before us to climb. This wasn't the end, this was not a time to give up because he wouldn't want that.  We had to keep fighting.  And if I was there in that moment, being given that purpose of helping my family see just what it was I was seeing, then I was ready to take that on.  It was important to allow myself to be sad, let the tears flow, but I felt such a sense of purpose, needing to be that source of comfort for my loved ones.  We all have our roles.

Saying the final goodbye, seeing freinds and family paying their last respects and sharing laughs and tears, comprised the day for us on Monday April 30th.  Although mentally exhasusting, we made it through and I truly believe that Dougie would have been proud.  Now is a time to honor him, keep his memory alive is everything we do. 

"May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, may God hold you in the hollow of his hand." – Irish Blessing

Be sure to tell a loved one how much they mean to you today.  No day is promised to us so lets take today and make it count!

Until next time friends, thanks for tuning in.

Misty
xo

Oprah's LifeClass in Toronto 2012

Again, apologies for being so late with this post, but I know I'm already forgiven! I promise I am getting back on track and will be more on the ball in the days to come!

Now, on to the main event! OPRAH'S LIFECLASS IN TORONTO!!  Need I say more?! I can still channel all the emotions I felt that day. Waking up way before my alarm that morning, like I could sleep.  The moment my eyes opened I shot up and out of bed, hopping into the shower to begin a day that I already knew would go down in my history books as one of the best, one of the most memorable!

After meeting some friends at their hotel, it was decided we would head down to the convention centre earlier then planned, to get into line.  After all, we were but a few people amongst thousands and thousands waiting in the same line, to feel and experience the same things.  We were about to see Oprah and her expert life coaches all wrapped up in the most life changing classroom in the world! The excitement was palpable.  I made a mental note while in that line, looking ahead and behind me at the vast number of people waiting with me.  All I could do was smile. My cheeks were sore before the class even began but I wouldn't have had it any other way!  I knew that each one of us was about to experience something magnificent and better yet, life changing.  I was so happy for all of us, so thrilled that we were about to embark on a day that legends are made of!

Once we were able to get into the building, after waiting for hours outside (so thankful that it was sunny and not cold and rainy) we were guided into the waiting area for another hour or so until we were able to take our seats. As the huge sliding doors began to move and we were able to navigate our way inside, I could feel my very perceptions begin to go into overdrive. This was it. I was about to be in the ultimate classroom of all classrooms.
Those of us who have had the honor to be amongst such wise individuals, soaking in the immense energy was mind boggling. I can still feel the room itself, almost vibrating with excitement, joy and gratitude. Love for this woman, her Lifeclass and each and every person involved.

Taking our fabulous seats, we waited with such intense anticipation.  Sitting 5 rows from the front, with an aisle seat was awesome!  The stage was so close and more than a few times I had to restrain myself from jumping up on it! I literally had to tell myself to keep my butt in that chair..Seriously!

Deepak Chopra, Iyanla Vanzant, Tony Robbins and Bishop TD Jakes came out to speak individually first.  Then Oprah was to come out, to be joined again by her fantastic team of life coaches for the live taping.

Being in the presence of these four electrifying coaches was in itself almost too much to take.  My heart was full and I was overwhelmed with such gratitude and love.

But, as her name was being announced, seeing her walk out onto that stage, words can't even describe the emotions I had going on inside of me. To be honest, I almost peed myself.  I was overcome with wrought emotions, hot tears streaming down my cheeks, heart beating out of my chest, jumping up and down with laughter mixed in with the crying. Can you just picture it now? LOL, I can totally see me and my crazy ugly cry!! The woman whom I have learned so many life lessons from, who changed my life with her wisdom, sharing with so many of us the power of these life lesson was right in front of me! Oprah Winfrey, who I grew up watching, admiring and dreamt of the day where I could be in her audience, it was all happening. At this very moment, along with some my amazing OWN Ambassadors and the rest of the 8500 people there in attendance, taking this journey with me. Even as I write this, I am filled with the utter joy that consumed my body that very night!

So many valuable lessons learned while at Lifeclass in Toronto. To name a few….I had some great AHA moments.

With the theme of forgiveness, I realized something powerful. I was able to forgive my childhood abuser. I was able to do that and really feel that in my soul last year. You would think that would be the hardest person for me to forgive. If I can forgave that horrible man, that horrible neighbor who took the innocence away from that little girl, you’d think, or at least I thought, that I could forgive anyone. Not true. I realized at LifeClass that I have not forgiven my father. My father who was a large part of my life, but as I got older, he was absent. Him and I had a rocky road in my early twenties, finally coming together again in my early thirties. I had gone through some therapy, to help deal with the abuse I endured as a child from that neighbor. I had to tell my father in a family session what had happened to me. And that was the last time we have really spoken. I had so much anger inside me when that happened I didn’t know how to express it. I mean, how could I forgave my abuser but not my own father? I realized at Lifeclass the grudge I was holding towards my father was really holding me. I had a preconceived notion on how my father should be. How he should act with me, treat me and love me. I’ve held onto this because I want to hear that apology from him, for not being my dad when I needed him most. For the feelings I was feeling about being loved and being deserving of love. I used to fear that if my own father didn’t want anything to do with me, didn’t love me, how in the world could I find someone else to love me. How would I find a man to love me and have a family with me. I realized in Toronto, sitting in that Lifeclass room, that I was limiting my own life purposes. I was putting limitations on my own successes, basing them on other people. I don’t need that apology from him. If he isn’t capable of being a supportive father, that is none of my business. I don’t need that to be happy and fulfilled. I can make me happy. I can provide what I need to so I can live my most authentic and fulfilling life.

As Iyanla says, ‘Everything is just as it needs to be.’

One of the most important things I have learned over the years from Oprah is that I am ENOUGH! I am seen, heard and loved. But more than being a person who deserves to receives love from another, I deserve to feel my own love. I am worthy of loving me. I’m good enough, and my love is strong and pure and I want to feel that inside myself. And I LOVE that!!! There may be times where I struggle with self worth, but life is a journey right? We are all on a path for greatness, for self awareness. And all I can say is that I am enjoying my journey right now!

What an amazing night! Words can't truly express the full extent of the feelings I felt, thoughts I thought and realizations I realized.  It was powerful and absolutely life changing.  I'm so thankful that I was able to be part of such an awe-inspiring evening.  I consider me to be very lucky and blessed.

We all know everything happens for a reason.  Little did I know, that just 3 days later, after LifeClass, I would need to call to the surface the many lessons learned from Oprah over the years, including the class I just attended. I was meant to be in that classroom, hearing that exact lesson in that exact moment. For that I am truly grateful!

That's it for now friends! Tune in next time to find out what happened next.

Stay well lovies!

Misty

xo